To The Bison

A brief shout-out to my alma mater, Bucknell, for a great basketball season capped by making it to the second round of the NCAA tournament. This, regrettably, was as far as anyone (including themselves) could have reasonably expected them to go. Let's face it: a small, academically-focused (what a novel concept!) university with a 100% graduation rate among team members can't get too far against basketball machines such as those who live for this time of year, rather than for final exams, GMATs, high-level internships, and job interviews. That being said, three out of Bucknell's five losses this year came against teams seeded #1 in their tournament brackets (Villanova, Duke, and Memphis), and the Bison also knocked off Syracuse along the way this season. After totally frustrating Arkansas in the first round, the Bison couldn't quite keep up with Memphis in round 2 -- as Memphis kept trotting out players who were fresher, bigger, faster, and less likely to be accepted as a member of the Algonquin Round Table.

My fellow alumnus and past broadcasting partner, who will go only by the name of R.J. for here, modestly proposed a handicapping system to restore some sanity to the post-season. This is a work in progress, but a few of the items we discussed were to adjust a team's point total by a number of factors:

• Difference in graduation rates
• Degree-of-difficulty in academic courses taken by players
• Number of arrests
• Extra discredit to the team whose coach was hired "to resurrect the basketball program," having done so and flamed out somewhere else previously.

The possibilities are endless. What a wonderful world it would be, were we to remember that these are institutions of higher learning playing these games.

An excellent book, along these lines, is "The Last Amateurs," by John Feinstein, chronicling a year in the life of Patriot League basketball. I heartily recommend it.

Anyway, congrats to coach Pat Flannery and the Bison - you've made us proud. And in the meantime, we can root for Villanova (coach Jay Wright is another Bucknell grad), Duke (another school with actual thinking students who can play basketball as well), or the handful of other teams that, ESPN-be-damned, shouldn't still be alive in the tournament: George Mason, Bradley, Wichita State, etc.

This will all culminate in the Greatest Day of the Year: Monday, April 3, which is baseball's Opening Day (I will be in the center field grandstand for Phillies-Cardinals in the afternoon) and, in the evening, the NCAA men's championship game. What could be better? (OK, maybe a free All-You-Can-Be-Eaten Fellatio Buffet in between. But let's be realistic.)

You're Looking the WRONG Way!

Busy, busy, busy, between a weekend of the 8th/9th grade musical (forget what it's like for a pimp: It's Hard Out Here For Us Drama Moms also), the NCAA Tournament, and a little bit of productive work. But this lovely coincidental juxtaposition of headline and photo bears sharing:



"That's right, if you hold your hand this way, and furrow your brow, and squint, and look resolute, you can't see the bloodshed. You also can't see the unilateral aggression based on fabricated intelligence, you can't see the complete lack of planning, you can't see how we've alienated allies and created a recruiting bonanza for the 'terrists', as if they needed another reason to hate us beyond our arrogance. Oh, you also can't see torture. Nope, no torture. Can't hear the illegal wiretaps, either. But you can see this: I've pretty much handed this off to the next President to deal with."

The Most Wonderful Time of the Year

It's not Christmas, or back-to-school...it's the combination of March Madness and spring training baseball that gets a young (or 40-plus-ish) man's juices flowing this time of year. While my afternoon business appointment was regrettably cancelled, this gave me the time to catch the end of both the Syracuse-UConn game (big upset! I've never been a big 'Cuse fan, but like Gerry MacNamara) and Temple-George Washington game (another upset -- this time for a Philly team -- coached by a fellow patron of the Flourtown Farmer's Market, yet!). And tomorrow - Bucknell-Holy Cross at 4:30 on ESPN2...let's root on the Bison, some of the Last Amateurs (snaps to author John Feinstein). And baseball rolls ever nearer...getting ready for the Red Sox to visit our fair city for a pair of exhibition games the first weekend in April, and Opening Day on the 3rd (and first Tony Luke's roast pork sandwich of the year). It's just all too much...

Like a Meme Virgin

As a very casual and lackadaisical citizen of the Blogosphere, it has taken me a while to react to the comment from yellojkt that I had been "tagged." Now that I've finally figured out what it means, at least in this context -- as opposed to the baseball or casual-sex contexts ("whoa, you tagged so-and-so last Friday?") -- I'm honored to participate:

1: Black and White or Color; how do you prefer your movies?

I'm kind of a sucker for black and white, depending on the story. Obviously, something with a great deal of scale and/or scenery is better in color. But I think that black and white can really focus you on the acting and dialogue, taking the possible distraction of color out of the equation. "Good Night, And Good Luck" is a great example. I know that another reason for black and white in that film had to be that it was a period piece and most people saw Edward R. Murrow only in B/W. But it really was grabbing to see the movie that way. (Aside: I also felt like I was in a smoke-filled room the entire time I was watching it, and felt like lighting up myself --even though I don't smoke -- after leaving the fabulous Ambler Theater.) Nothing wrong with color, except for the heinous process called "colorization," clearly a Tool Of Satan.

2: What is the one single subject that bores you to near-death?

So-called reality television. Nothing makes me find a way to change the conversation or feign intestinal distress (hmm, maybe it's real?) that to hear someone launch into a discussion of the latest Survivor episode, or who should win American Idol. The latter should be renamed Americans Idle. What a f***ing waste of focus, energy, time, and cell phone minutes.

3: MP3s, CDs, Tapes or Records: what is your favorite medium for prerecorded music?

CDs, as a compromise. There was nothing quite like hearing the crackle of the needle hitting the vinyl and the hissing in anticipation of a bad 70s song about to be cranked out on the speakers of a dinosaur stereo with speakers the size of a Mini Cooper. MP3s are pretty damned convenient, but there's just no emotional attachment to the music. CDs are a good compromise; good quality plus some content in the form of liner notes, etc. I'm too tactile to go totally MP3.

4: You are handed one first class trip plane ticket to anywhere in the world and ten million dollars cash. All of this is yours provided that you leave and not tell anyone where you are going ... ever. This includes family, friends, everyone. Would you take the money and ticket and run?

Not a chance. That would be like throwing away my life, my family, my friends, everything. Couldn't possibly be worth it. And the idea of starting over, regardless of how much money I would have, is scary. Can I negotiate for maybe four tickets and $1 million, and waive the non-disclosure?

5: Seriously, what do you consider the world's most pressing issue now?

Just one? Come on, give me a couple: Intolerance. Gross inequities in wealth among countries and peoples. Self-centeredness. Misguided priorities. (Hmm, you could just lump them together under the heading "Bush Administration," couldn't you?)

6: How would you rectify the world's most pressing issue?

By getting people to realize that poverty and injustice -- and not gay marriage -- are the true moral issues. I am not a Bible-quoter by trade, but what does God ask of us but to love justice, kindness, and humility?

7: You are given the chance to go back and change one thing in your life; what would that be?

Realizing at age 18 that the next four years in college were NOT about preparing myself to find a job for the rest of my life starting immediately after graduation. Has my career been financially lucrative? Yes. Fulfilling? No. Am I in a position to change that? Well, perhaps in the first few years in the real world, yes, but not now, with a mortgage and two teenage daughters. I would have taken life much more slowly and without some kind of self-imposed deadline. There isn't much reason to think that everything has to be decided by age 21. I'm now kind of a Micah 6:8 guy in a corporate, life-insurance-marketing guy suit, hoping that I can eventually get to the point where I can do good for a living rather than in my spare time. In the interim, my job (notice I don't say "career" as if it's a life-driving force) serves to provide for what my family needs and what I can give to the greater community.

8: You are given the chance to go back and change one event in world history, what would that be?

I could be serious here -- Kennedy or MLK assassinations, for example -- but I'm going to be selfish. 1986 World Series, Game 6. Bob Stanley doesn't come in from the bullpen, Sox win, Bill Buckner's respectable baseball career is noted in its entirety rather than in a misplayed ground ball. I was there. It was very, very painful. Such is life as a citizen of Red Sox Nation.

9: A night at the opera, or a night at the Grand Ole' Opry --Which do you choose?

Opera, but more so because I'm discouraged and disgusted by the rise in country-"music"-listening, NASCAR-watching, cheap-beer-swilling idiots in this country. Besides, there's usually at least one or two zaftig, busty women in every opera. Rowrrr.

10: What is the one great unsolved crime of all time you'd like to solve?

The 2000 Presidential election.

11: One famous author can come to dinner with you. Who would that be, and what would you serve for the meal?

Got to be Philip Roth, a fellow Bucknellian with whom I have little in common save for a north-Jersey upbringing. I love his writing. I think we would call out for some good deli. (Aside: I was at a silent auction recently where each attendee picked out a name of an artist/musician/author/etc. to do his/her bidding. I picked Roth and was accused by another attendee of being a fan of masturbation. I pled the Fifth.)

12: You discover that John Lennon was right, that there is no hell below us, and above us there is only sky -- what's the first immoral thing you might do to celebrate this fact?

I am a serious. but liberal and non-literal, Christian. What I do is not motivated by the potential for an exit-row aisle seat on the plane to Heaven, but what I feel is right in that it helps the least of us. (Similarly, I've done some immoral things, and haven't let the fear of Hell deter me...as a matter of fact, I think I have a club box in the Eighth Circle.)

My first "tagging" completed! Can I have a cigarette now? How'd I do, yello?

A quick reality check

Even the sports pages (well, frankly, OFTEN the sports pages) contain things that make you scratch your head and/or pause in wonderment from time to time. Ignoring, for now, the larger issue of the ridiculous overemphasis placed on professional sports in our society -- pardon me, the running back who plays despite a painful 'turf toe' is not a "brave warrior," the single mother living in North Philadelphia struggling with two jobs and trying to create a better life for her family is -- there's the curious trend toward overspecialization and overanalysis, particularly in football. Let's face it, it's still nothing more than being faster and hitting harder, when you strip away the hype and the supposed intricacies of the West Coast Offense.

So anyway, this item from the Transactions section caught my eye the other morning:

FORDHAM-Named Ed Argast offensive coordinator-offensive line coach, Frank Forcucci defensive coordinator-outside linebackers coach, Bryan Volk recruiting coordinator-quarterbacks coach, Matt Dawson special teams coordinator-inside linebackers coach, Malik Hall defensive line coach, Custavious Patterson wide receivers coach, Kieta Malloy running backs coach, Charlie Pravata tight ends coach and Tim Cary assistant defensive backs coach.

OK, let's think about this for a moment.

Fordham is a good school with a rich athletic tradition, where I suspect sports are not a major source of income and are kept in appropriate priority relative to, say, things like academics. Unless they're making a big push to create a sequel to The Seven Blocks of Granite days, do they (or anyone -- I'm just using this announcement as an example) really need all these football coaches? How about a couple more professors?

And unless you're a football machine like Nebraska (a business associate from Lincoln once told me that you see the players walking down the main street with the sweaters with the big "N" on the front, which stands for "Nowledge"), how many tight ends do you have on a roster? Maybe a Nebraska would have five or six, and it could very well be a full-time job to keep track of who is academically ineligible or arrested for domestic assault from week to week. But would a Fordham have more than two, or maybe even three? Why do they need a tight end coach?

No offense intended, Charlie Pravata. I like small-college football played by academic institutions, and my alma mater went a robust 1-10 this past year against the likes of behemoths such as Stony Brook and, as luck would have it, Fordham. (Though we do sport a graduation rate among the highest in Division I.) But why exactly do we need so many coaches?

Note: any rants about excessive coaching do not apply to baseball, a game given to us directly by God, though (S)He expressly directed that it be played in the daytime and on grass in uncovered stadia. (I believe this was from Deuteronomy.)