30-Minute Fatwa
The Rachael Rayization of America Must Stop.
I mean, the giggling, jiggling FoodSkank is EVERYWHERE. Now, I can't even go into my local Acme (if you want to sound truly Philadelphian, you say that you're going to "The Ack-A-Me") without a big Nabisco display of Rachael and her perky, vapid mug on all my favorite snack crackers. Yet another reason why I should shop more often at Whole Foods.
The Inquirer's Karen Heller, a great columnist, offers up this snark on Rachael and similar Food Network pseudo-celebrities.
We need someone, anyone, to offer up a fatwa on Rachael. I implore our Muslim brethren: Don't worry about the Pope in Turkey. Worry about Rachael on my Triscuits.
posted by J.Po @ 10:08 AM
3 comments
3 Comments:
I myself, despite complete consumer apathy, have finally been inundated enough by this marketing tool to almost know who she is and what she looks like.
Why should we care who she is? Because Martha Stewart spent some time in the pokey and the world needs a replacement, or else how will we know what's cool and good and perfect and right?
Begone, foul fiend of the advertising agencies! Get thee back to the pits of Hell where you belong! Leave us to microwave our Hot Pockets in peace!
Smite her with your scepter, my Queen! Contrary to the old adage, everything's NOT better when it sits on a Ritz, particularly Rachael Ray.
Next up on the fatwa hit parade: her insidious trailer-trash pal, Paula Deen, who takes about five syllables to say the word "oil."
Smitin' her now, boss! But I'm going to need more gold for the Scepter Repair Shop; so many are in need of smiting that the ol' scepter is getting a bit dinged up.
BTW, I think "The Dented Scepter" would be a great name for a pub.
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