Jesus, leave Blogger for a few months, and I can't even figure out how to create a title. WHY CAN'T I CLICK THERE?? But in any event, the title would probably be "Hello, I Must Be Going"...since it's clear that I don't have the time or energy to maintain a blog on a regular basis. Sure, there are things I think of from time to time that are pretty damned clever...but after the moment passes, I realize that there are hundreds, nay, thousands of assholes much bigger than me ranting about the very same thing, though usually without as much attention to grammar or style.

So I take this opportunity to thank my vast readership for their support...I will visit both of your blogs as I remember to do so...and continue on with my private ranting and occasionally-witty observations privately.

That being said, I will share one last fond dream...which occurred while watching ESPN's Sunday night baseball broadcast a couple of weeks back, Yankees vs. Mets...which probably garnered some interest from lifeless jerks in NYC who couldn't get tickets, but as for most of the rest of us, my greatest wish was to watch an enormous meteor descend on Yankee Stadium, preparing to take out everyone except Jon Miller and Joe Morgan (a great broadcast team), and to see noted asshole Derek Jeter mug for the camera one more time before the white-hot mass of space detritus took out half of the South Bronx. Now that's entertainment. This blog, regrettably, is no longer so.

Now back to something really important. The All-Star Game.

Yes, still here...

No, this blog is not yet on death watch...but between holidays, potential job changes, and a whole bushel o' other stuff, haven't had much of a chance to sit down and entertain my vast (2) readership. But I haven't forgotten about all (both) of you! Hope to be back soon...

Hug your kids...again

Don't know how far-reaching the news was, but if you heard about the suburban-Philly high school where a student committed suicide with an AK-47 today, it was our little high school, where my younger daughter is a freshman (and, had she been a little more efficient in post-first-period organization, would have been out in the hall, right in the middle of the action).

She was not in physical danger, but like us is still very shaken. Hug your kids, pets, significant others, whoever tonight. Talk to them. Listen to them. And hope and pray that those who are troubled, with themselves or others, seek another solution than at the end of a gun, particularly one that has no business being privately-owned.

A Hard Place To Play

This nugget gleaned (been doing a lot of gleaning recently, since it doesn't require the cognitive or time commitment of original prose) from today's sports pages:

The Colorado Rapids will open Major League Soccer's newest stadium April 7 when they host D.C. United at Dick's Sporting Goods Park to open the league's 12th season.

Now, given the trend to nickname sports stadiums by using the word "The" followed by a shortening of the stadium's actual name - e.g. Veterans Stadium known as "The Vet," Lincoln Financial Field as "The Linc", the former Bank One Ballpark as "The Bob," we can only wait in breathless anticipation for the first sportscaster to say "Well, Bob, the Rapids went down at The Dick tonight..."

Do you suppose someone, ANYONE, gave this any forethought?

Law of the Prairie

Gleaned from my ISP's home page. When is someone going to hunt down that damned Midwest and bring it to justice?

30-Minute Fatwa

The Rachael Rayization of America Must Stop.

I mean, the giggling, jiggling FoodSkank is EVERYWHERE. Now, I can't even go into my local Acme (if you want to sound truly Philadelphian, you say that you're going to "The Ack-A-Me") without a big Nabisco display of Rachael and her perky, vapid mug on all my favorite snack crackers. Yet another reason why I should shop more often at Whole Foods.

The Inquirer's Karen Heller, a great columnist, offers up this snark on Rachael and similar Food Network pseudo-celebrities.

We need someone, anyone, to offer up a fatwa on Rachael. I implore our Muslim brethren: Don't worry about the Pope in Turkey. Worry about Rachael on my Triscuits.

This Pert, Supple News Just In!

The FDA approved silicone breast implants made by Mentor and Allergan, the companies said, ending more than a decade of tight restrictions on the controversial devices. The silicone devices may find widespread acceptance among a generation of women too young to remember the high-profile health concerns and litigation they once sparked.

"High-profile" being the operative word here.

A Great Evening...

With an amazing set of ingredients.

• Seeing awesome guitarist/songwriter Willy Porter and his band (added bonus for baseball fans: one song on new CD mentions former Red Sox/Brewers 1B Cecil Cooper.)
• Fabulous concert venue which, I'm ashamed to admit, I had not been to until last night: World Cafe Live , just off the University of Pennsylvania campus. Incredible acoustics.
• Nice dinner and one of my favorite beers, Magic Hat #9, on draft.

And on a school night, yet!