Seen AND Heard on the Street

Have you noticed? People walking the streets of our cities and towns, talking to no one in particular and gesturing in a way that makes the rest of us cut them a wide berth. Is it yet another person juiced up on Thorazine? No - it's another person on Bluetooth. Frankly, while I spend a great deal on my time on my mobile phone for business, often walking between locations in cities, I somehow don't quite see how a four-foot length of cord that connects my phone to my earpiece is a real inconvenience...particularly considering that I've saved that many more radio waves from coursing through my brain.

Mongolia?

So we learn today that President Bush concluded his Asian tour with a visit to Mongolia, a place he probably thought existed only in fiction (assuming he had heard about it at all before this). Why Mongolia, do you suppose? Could it possibly be that, after an exhaustive search by his crack advance team, it was found that Mongolia would be so grateful for a visit from ANY head of state that they would promise not to ask embarrassing questions about Iraq? What kind of intelligent question do you suppose Bush asked upon landing in Mongolia? I mean, after Idiot had the grand moment of enlightenment about the size of Brazil that many of the rest of us have in fourth grade, I'm sure Mongolia left him totally dumbfounded. Not that this is a challenge.

From the DuhNews Desk

A few snippets of non-news from over the past few days...

• Lacking any valid, insightful response to critics of the rationale behind and execution of the Iraq "war" (is it correct to call this a "war" if it's simply a testosterone-and-stupidity-fueled unilateral action?), President Bush resorts to the tired old personal attacks and preying on terrorist fear. He must be slipping, though...I didn't see any references to "9/11" in the first couple of paragraphs of his speech.
• Rapper Fifty Cent is surprised and saddened at the shooting death that occurred following a showing of his new film. Guess he simply doesn't grasp what might follow from the emphasis on violence in his music, and the promotional billboards showing him carrying a gun.
• You certainly didn't hear this on Fox News (thanks to Ces for the "Medium Large" comic that suggests FOX is an acronym for "F***ing Old Xenophobes"), but eyewitnesses to the arrival of our Fearless Misleader of the Free World at the Americas Summit last week report that one of his first comments was "wow, Brazil is big!" Travel tips for this week's trip to Asia: China is big, too. As is Russia. And don't call the latter "The U.S.S.R.," OK?

Any volunteers?

Forwarded from a friend of mine this morning via e-mail:
















Anyone, save for Harriet Miers, up for THIS daunting task?

By the way, the Church Sign Generator is tons o' fun...though they did take down the sample of a Catholic church sign, probably because too many people customized it to say "Altar Boys Needed: Apply In Rear" and e-mailed it to all of their friends. Not me. No sir.

Shout-out to Drink At Work, from whence I learned of the Generator...

My apologies...

...but the pesky need to make a living has taken me from being able to post for the last few weeks. Until I can find a way to access eBlogger through my BlackBerry, posts may be sporadic, but I'll give it my best shot. A few quick hits:

• Was anyone nearly as incredulous or incensed as I was to read that our nation's de facto President and Bush puppeteer, the appropriately-named Dick Cheney, Embodiment of Evil, actually has asked Senate leaders to relax the prohibition on torture, so that we may more effectively deal with suspected and potential terrorists, whose right to due process has already gone out the window? Let me put this in all caps, Dick, so that it might be clearer to you: DID YOU EVER THINK FOR A MOMENT THAT THE LACK OF SIMPLE HUMAN DECENCY THAT WOULD MAKE YOU THINK FOR A MOMENT THAT TORTURING ANYONE IS REMOTELY ACCEPTABLE, COMBINED WITH THE OVERWHELMING F*ING ARROGANCE OF THE "GOD BLESS AMERICA," AMERICA-FIRST ASSHOLES WHO RUN THIS COUNTRY, IS WHAT MAKES THE REST OF THE WORLD HATE US IN THE FIRST PLACE??
• A refreshing counterpoint provided this morning on NPR, naturally (what, you expected it on Hannity and Colmes?), by Jimmy Carter, not a great President but a fine human being.
• More on Stupid Ribbons: "Support our Injured Troops" (like the ones still over there are on their own??) and the heart-wrenching social cause "I Want My Hockey Fix." STOP. THE. MADNESS. NOW.
• Another on-the-road observation: do you suppose the people who have their tragedies recorded for the GM OnStar commercials have flashbacks and/or post-traumatic stress when they hear themselves while driving in their cars afterwards?
• Hard to believe I went through an entire World Series without posting. Save for the fact that I hate Fox's sports coverage ("Prison Break!" Mondays on FOX) more than their "news" programming ("House", Tuesdays on FOX!), it really was a great series...well-played games, well-managed, close games, lots of the little stuff that makes baseball aficionados drool, such as the beautifully-manufactured run by the Sox in the eighth inning of...memory fails me...maybe Game 4? (sorry, was probably distracted by the "Simpsons Treehouse of Terror" promo and the fact that the games end way past my bedtime.) I had to root for the White Sox since (1) they are, although the wrong color, still Sox; (2) Chicago is a great town; (3) Nearly everything about Texas is horrid; (4) the bratwurst with kraut and onions at US Cellular Field is a great sandwich. Now if we could only get some day games, and less self-promotion by the network broadcasting them, life would be truly grand. Alas, the sports section now takes about 30 seconds to read, and will be so until pitchers and catchers report in the Spring.
• Speaking of the Sox, do you suppose that after Ozzie Guillen cuts his lawn, or takes out the trash, or completes a sexual act with his spouse, he leaps up and gives a shout-out to Venezuela? We get the point, Ozzie.
• And alas, Harriet Miers has come and gone. We hardly knew ye! Let's ignore for a moment the cronyism, the lack of experience, the disastrous Senate questionnaire, etc. From my perspective, the single most damning thing about Ms. Miers was this tidbit, a quote from former Bush butt-boy David Frum, that Ms. Miers "thinks that George W. Bush is the most brilliant man she has ever met." Pardon me, but this should not qualify one for a spot on the nation's highest court, but perhaps a Do Not Pass Go/Do Not Collect $200 trip directly for a free Complete Neurological Workup.
• And the total highlight of the last four weeks: in dance class, instructor Flaco telling me at one point "don't change a God-damned thing" and, at last week's class, telling everyone that many of us needed to take the last class to polish what we had learned, but that I "have a smoothness and a certain flair." Not bad for a 48-year-old white guy. Graduation and class trip Sunday night! What's next? Bop II? Salsa? Stay tuned...