Me? I'd Rather Be Driving

For what it's worth, in my long-awaited Kingdom, I would have the power to immediately vaporize any vehicle in front of me with license plate frame or bumper sticker that says "I'd Rather Be Golfing," "I'd Rather Be Flying," or any of the RatherBe ilk. If you'd truly rather be doing one of these things, do us ALL a favor and get the f**k off the road, OK? Some of us are actually driving and would like you to focus on the same.

I saw one yesterday that said "I'd Rather Be in Whitefish, Montana." Knock yourself out, dude. Take the immediate next left and just keep on driving West.

Meanwhile, back at the Castle, Daughter #1 was home for the weekend. We've yet to get a handle on her academic progress, but her status as a member of Red Sox Nation is intact: shortly after getting in the car and hearing the sports come on the radio, she commented, "Cory Lidle flew a plane into a building. Stupid Yankees." It was a brief visit - some time with friends, a nice hit on the credit card at BJ's (primarily, beef jerky, bottled water, and fruit juice), and an unexplained ding in the side of Mrs. Po's car (which could have been, to be fair, unknown to her as well, as this car has proved itself in the past to emanate waves that say "Hit Me."). We're now back to normal at the homestead...

...Just in time to look at this morning's paper, in which one of the TV highlights (must be a bad, bad day for TV) is listed as follows:

Rachael Ray (10-11 am, Channel 6) - Actress Jessica Simpson; four roommates learn how to share a bathroom.

Dear Rachael: EVOO clearly now stands for Entertainment (or Educational, take your pick) Value Obviously Optional."

What the heck...

...since I already know that I have a well-situated booth awaiting me at the bar in Hell (look for me! I've got the first round), I feel comfortable saying the following, as a cynical baseball fan, upon hearing the news that Yankee (and ex-Phillie) pitcher Cory Lidle was killed when his private plane crashed into a building in NYC yesterday:

Yet another start where he failed to get deep enough into the game. RIP, Mr. 5 2/3 IP.

I Was Just Wondering...

...when the Republicans rant on about the dangers of "The Gay Agenda," are they referring to the contents of Mark Foley's Day-Timer?

(Which, to be accurate, should be referred to as "The Sick, Hypocritical Pedophile Agenda.")

And while we've chosen the category of Current Events, Alex (though I far prefer the original host, Art Fleming), I can't help but laugh any time I hear the name of North Korean President/Whackjob Kim Jong Il, as it reminds me of a comedy bit from a while back (damned if I can remember who did it) that mocked Bush trying to read his name and calling him "King John II." Satire is soooooo good when it's entirely plausible.

Brain Spilleth Over

Yes, kids, it's that time once again when snippets of blog ideas start coming out of my ears (and cluttering my voice recorder), so as a service to YOU, my two or three regular readers, I am posting the following to let you know I haven't forgotten about this blog entirely:

• Heard on NPR, as an underwriting announcement: "Support provided by the NCAA, for over 100 years of educating student-athletes for achivement and success." Oh, puh-leeeeze. Let's net out the ones who don't graduate in four years, those who don't graduate at all, and those who end up arrested for some kind of recruiting violation or crime, and then we'll talk about educating student-athletes. Why don't we call some of these "schools" professional-sports farm teams and be done with all the lies?
• What Daughter #1 Has Learned At College: "At Applebee's, appetizers are half-price after 10:00, Dad!"
• Thought: If President Bush pronounces "nuclear" noo-kyoo-ler, why doesn't he pronounce "unclear" un-kyoo-ler?
• Fun Bush bumper stickers seen recently: "American Errorist." "Help save the environment: plant a Bush in Texas."
• Someone, anyone, MUST stop the exponential growth of Rachael Ray in our consciousness. Food Network? Fine, though her 30-Minute-Meals shows aren't exactly rocket science, nor are they fine cooking, but if they persuade anyone to pick up a spatula rather than a take-out menu, they're doing a greater good. And, admittedly, I have thought on more than once occasion of her flat on the butcher-block table with me brandishing the EVOO. But she's gotten way too big for her dishes. Magazines? Talk shows? Big ads on buses? No. It must stop. Back to the kitchen, darling. You're too much of a good thing. I used to like you (as I did Renee Zellweger, who has yet to reach out to me), but no more. (THIS should cause some consternation in the Rachael Ray Empire.)
• Sat through a business presentation recently, which was promised to be a must-see for those of us concerned about the performance of certain operational areas of the company. About mid-way through, I had this thought: do you suppose the folks on the Titanic might have been comforted, mid-sinking, by some jackass MBA with nine pages of Powerpoint slides telling them the ship was indeed sinking?
• On the road, I will go out of my way NOT to do any favors, yield my right of way, etc. for someone in an expensive luxury car or a SUV. I will always yield to hybrids, however. Other fun road observations: the larger the SUV, the smaller and more distracted the blonde driving it. The more expensive the car, the smaller the penis of the male driver. (I have not done a full scientific study of the latter. Let's just call it a hypothesis.)
• And finally, that wacky Rep. Mark Foley (R-Florida) and his merry band of GOP Kover-Up Kops, just spinning out of control. Alcohol abuse? Naah, probably not enough. Abused as a teenager? Eww, don't want to go there. Wait...wait...yes, Rep. Foley admits he's gay! Distances him from we good Republicans, and we then twist this to damn the Democrats and their gay agenda! That's it! Great job, Karl! (Note to Mr. Rove et al: pedophiles are not, by definition, homosexuals, despite Republican Party and Catholic Church leadership's feelings otherwise; they are, however sick f*ing human beings.)