Make. Them. Stop.

Only 5 days remain...not until we thoughtfully, and with discernment, elect a slate of legislators focused on the will of the people and what's good for our country, of course, but until the onslaught of negative ads stops. Isn't it getting worse each and every election cycle? Doesn't anyone have anything good to say about themselves or about a particular candidate? One can't watch the local evening news, for example, without every commercial break filled to near-capacity with one slime-filled ad after another. I read at some point that the National Republican Campaign Committee (whose ads, like those of their Democratic counterparts, allegedly do not support any particular candidate...yeah, right)'s ad funding runs about 9-to-1 negative to positive...Dems at 5-to-1. Both figures seem a little low.

Were I an independent voter -- and let it be said that I'm not a party-line voter, but that my positions and moral values (and by that I do NOT mean "abortion and gay marriage") are more consistent with those of Democratic candidates than of Republicans -- I might be motivated to vote for the candidate whose ads were least negative, if only to send a message. However, that's not the way it works...negative ads are, regrettably, more influential and more remembered than positive ads, particularly with our short-attention-span electorate who are more likely to vote for an Americans Idle candidate than one running for local school board. Sad.

Speaking of sad, we have a couple of prime examples here in suburban Fluffya. Our local house race features a Republican candidate whose only discernible qualification, or at least most-mentioned resume item, is that he was a contestant on "The Apprentice." (He was not hired, and is unlikely to be hired for the House of Representatives either, thankfully.) His only apparent platform plank is to "Secure the Border NOW," engaging in a one-quarter clever, three-quarter ridiculous stunt where he crossed the Rio Grande with an elephant and a mariachi band, to illustrate how easy it is to cross the border into the United States. (Illegal immigration is too large an issue to discuss here - suffice it to say that a big-ass fence that covers about 30% of the border ain't going to do the trick, if you like the Keep-Em-Out approach, and also makes it difficult for those on this side of the border to get across, or perhaps access water for their ranches/homes, as well.) Interestingly, a number of hand-written signs espousing a kinder approach -- "Love Your Neighbor As Yourself," "Christopher Columbus Was An Illegal Immigrant," to name a couple -- have shown up around the Secure The Border Now signs for Mr. Failed Apprentice.

And our other shining star, of course, is junior Senator Rick Santorum, spawn of Satan, he of the creepy smug, self-righteous, Stepford-Republican look. The guy is so far right of center, and right of right, that he should have his own party with its own zip code. He has also made frequent mention of the charming term "Islamic Fascism" to describe the insidious forces that aim to bring down our way of life (hmmm...you think calling them "Fascists" has anything to do with it?), as if these forces are any less evil and insidious than the Conservative Christian Fascism that gives life, darkness, and purpose to all Santorum and his Neo-Con cave-mates do. (I'm willing to cut him some slack on the inaccurate use of the term "Fascism" - after all, he has his house in Virginia, his large brood of little right-wing nutjobs, and his hopefully-soon-to-be K Street lobbying job on his mind.) In any event, we can hope that he, too, goes into Job Hiatus next Tuesday, at the hands of a Santorum-Lite candidate (Democratic, but regrettably somewhat Cro-Magnon on social issues), Robert Casey Jr. At which point Santorum will have plenty of time to rail on Liberal Fascism.

(Internet Fun: Google "Santorum." Go ahead.)

An aside: the other day, I was in the car, behind a monster SUV sporting two bumper stickers - one with some kind of anti-abortion (excuse me, "Pro-Life") message, and the other saying "I'm A Woman, and I'm With Rick Santorum." Let's just hope, darling, that you and I don't end up being The Last Two People On Earth, unless you're into self-stimulation.