Forty-somethings

Haven't discussed baseball for a while, but figured I'd share a little something I sent around to some friends of mine last evening:

PHILADEPHIA, PA (AP), August 28 - The Philadelphia Phillies, surprisingly in the midst of the National League Wild Card race after dumping 25% of their roster at the July trading deadline, have made another late-season acquisition to solidify their hopeful-playoff roster. After acquiring 43-year-old Jamie Moyer and 40-year-old Jeff Conine for the stretch run, GM Pat Gillick today announced the signing of unrestricted free agent Leroy "Satchel" Paige to give the Fightin' Phils another experienced arm for the wild-card drive.

Paige, 101 years old, has been dead for over a year, but Gillick downplayed this minor drawback. "Satchel's got a world of experience," Gillick said, "and I think he can help our young pitchers during the stretch drive, even though he's deceased. Like Ryan Franklin, he's an innings-eater." Scouts say that Paige passed his physical examination, once exhumed, and is in better shape than Phils ace Jon Lieber.

Negotiations continue between the Phillies and the agents for pitchers Walter "Big Train" Johnson and Cy Young.

Strange times for baseball in Philadelphia. The Phils unloaded some contracts at the end of July, including that of Gold Glover Bobby Abreu ("You Cannot Err If You Do Not Try To Make The Play"), and now find themselves playing with a new level of energy. Ryan Howard (who just hit his 48th home run, a projectile hit so high and so long into the Washington night sky that it most likely sent Dick Cheney scurrying to his undisclosed-location underground bunker) is just scary. A playoff spot is, dare I say it, within reach. The mediocrity of the National League doesn't hurt.

And a fun baseball fact gleaned from the last game I attended, a week or so ago: Phillies third baseman Abraham Nunez batting against Washington Nationals relief pitcher Saul Rivera, in what may very well have been the first matchup between two players with Jewish first names and Hispanic surnames. I'll have to do some research.

As for my Red Sox...well, we may have to address this at another time...their fortunes have clearly gone the way of the $1.50 bleacher seat...